In loving memory of Jase

     Its getting worse. No pretenses anymore. No fake smiles, no masks, cover ups or stories. Its gettign worse. You know that nauseous feeling you get on a rollercoaster or if you read in the car? Or if you've worked out after you ate. Thats what I feel like now, but it's different too, I can't keep any food down. When I stand I feel like I'm going to either fall over or throw up, one of the two. When you loose someone close to you... its very hard...... I lost a friend very close to me today. R.I.P Jase Wynchestor. He suffered from schizophrenia. He told me he was getting better. But he wasn't, he wasn't at all. And though this hurts to talk about, espically now, so soon... but I feel like I need to.. to let it out. If I don't.. well...... in memory of him, here is my last moments with Jase.

     "How are you feling man?" Jase asks me, leaning back against the wall, fiddling with his hospital band. "Okay I guess" I lied. "You?" He nods but doesn't answer at fist. I frown, "Jase"
"Huh?"
"You okay?"
"Yea, I'm okay."

     He smiles at me and I believe him. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did. "Do you want to go out and get something for lunch?" I nod, hoping I can manage to eat something. I don't want him worrying about me so I say yes. "You want to drive or should I?" Jase grins at me. "What'ya worried about Pegleg?" he jokes "scared I'll start seeing ghosts and run us into a tree screaming Allons-y?" I grin and shove him but can't help thinking that yes, thats exactly what I was worried about. The medicine they had him on stopped him from acting disconnected, but it did little to effect the hallucinations. At the time I did not know that.
     Carter jumped in the backseat after us and we headed to a small cafe about a block down from the hospital. "You okay with this Carter?" I looked at her knowing she would tell me the truth. She nervously smiled "sure" she replied "i'll be fine." Jases' fingers drummed on the wheel and he shook himself as if from a doze. "You good?" I asked. "fine." he said, and we pulled in. Carter hopped out and unfolded my wheelchair from the back of the van, I pulled back the sliding red door and caught the staring eyes of a family just leaving. They stared at me for a moment, their eyes traveling down the length of my body and widening. I sighed inwardly, but smiled and waved. The husband stepped out from behind his wife and as I settled myself into my chair he approached me. I looked at him curiously and I could feel Carter and Jase tense behind me. He stuck out his left hand, and I saw his right was missing, the whole arm actually. "Jared Jenson" he said "you my son, are one hell of a fellow." I grinned at him and shook his hand. "And you sir," I replied "are one hell of a man." He grinned and I smiled back at him. happy that he understood. "I've met you before I believe." I said, "you own the antique store down the road." Jensons' smile brightened. "That's right" he said, "you're a good man you know, don't let any judgemental crackpots get you down," he nodded knowingly to the cafe, "new staff" he elaborated. "Well" I said laughing "when they see that they've got two of us in one day I bet you they'll have even more stories to tell." He hooted with laughter, patted my shoulder, and then he and his family left. "See you around kids." Jenson called out of the window. We waved, then headed inside.

     It so happens that on this earth there are stupid and inconsiderate people, it is unfortunate but true. I never thought I would be surprised by the conversations I hold with them, but that was before I met Cassie Ann. Cassie Ann was our waitress, and boy was she one hell of a waitress. She walked over to our table, bounced is more of the correct term, and asked what we wanted to eat. She popped her gum and then nearly choked on it as she saw that I was in fact missing the limbs that most people still have attatched to their hips. "You want a side of chicken LEGS with that sandwhich?" She asked me in a nasal voice and then cracked up at her own joke and walked away laughing. "He's vegatarian!" Jase called after her, "but while you're back there you might want to pick up your brains and your decency, I think you forgot them."

     I looked at him surprised and then burst out laughing, I have honestly never seen him so angry. After that we just talked, about everything, about nothing, about the sun and the moon and the stars, about us, about home, about rude waitresses, about kind husbands. We were just three normal friends, eating lunch together, as we should be.

     I won't say everything because I don't think I can. All I can say is that when Jase was found on the floor of his room, overdosed on pills, we didn't expect it. None of us did. We can't predict these things, we don't know when they will happen or how. All I know is that all around me, I'm loosing everyone I love. This is three out of 6, and I can't help wondering, who will be next........

In loving memory of Jase Wynchestor:

Your spirit will travel the skies in the form it always has, and when the moon is bright and the sky is clear I will look up and see you.