Judgement Day

          Today was intresting. I really do think thats the only way to describe it. It started of normally, or as normal of a day as i can have at least.

           I woke up.

           And then I couldnt breathe.

          I panicked momentarily. I forgot where I was, I forgot who I was. My mind flashed back to when I was four years old and I had almost drowned in my family's well. Aperantly I did make a noise because Jase and Leo came running into my room and one or the other of them pressed the emergency call button.

          I don't really remember much from that moment on until I woke up again. (They told me I had passed out) but I do remember waking up and seeing all three of them sitting around me n the bed. They all looked extremely scared. I coughed once, clearing my throat. "So" I said quietly. "Had a good morning?" They all laughed and so did I. I'm glad, that even in times like this we still have the abilty to laugh. Its one of the most remarkable things about human beings, our resilience i mean. Think of all the times we as humans have done something bad to ourselves, or had something horrible happen. We always rise up again no matter what. So though we do alot of crappy things, well, we do alot of good things too.

       One of my freinds from school called me today. He and I used to be best friends. Then all of this happened to me and... I dont know. I guess he just got scared of it. So we stopped talking. I didnt want to hurt him. Anyways, he called me for the first time in four months.

        I picked up the phone. "Hello?" I said hesitantly. "Hey" a gruff voice answered mine and I nearly dropped the phone in shock. I stared at the reciever, holding it about a foot away from me as if it might explode. "Tommy?" I said incredously, quite shell shocked. "Yea man," he said "its me". I paused for a moment to consider this. "Well, um, why did you call?" I asked. "I just..." now it was his turn to pause. When he spoke again I was surprised to hear that his voice was filled with emotion. "I'm ashamed, I left you and tried to avoid you, but i couldnt stop thinking about you. I kept thinking, what if you bit it and i didnt know and then i decided to call but they told me you were gone?" Tom paused again, "i guess the better part of me won and, well, here i am."

      
We talked about school, about soccer. About anything we wanted. It was like nothing had changed. For a minute I could colse my eyes and pretend that I was in my bed, at my house, home sick from school, and that was it. No cancer, no dying, just temporarily sick.

Well it was a nice daydream. My art teacher has kept in contact with me though. She asked me if I would be willing to paint something representing my emotions right now, and I told her I would.

I have an idea of what i'm going to do. I think i might take a picture and post it on here. Its going to be hard to paint though. I havent painted since he died. I just havent had the energy.

Thats one of my main problems right now, energy. Or to be more precise, my lack of it.

Carter passed out today and fell down a flight of stairs. She should be okay but she still refuses to eat. I hate seeing her like this. I wish there was something I could do but I know there isn't.


Love to all,
Me