The day you realize its for real

Hey you guys,
          I apologize that I havent been on much at all. As promised, i will tell you about the first time his parents came to visit me. Im not going to go into great detail because if i do i wont have then energy to continue the rest of this blog. So here goes:
          I woke up at 12:30 in the afternoon to a nurse holding a phone in her hand and shaking my shoulder. "Its for you" she said, as if that wasn't already obvious. I nodded and took the telephone from her, holding it loosely to my ear. "Hello?" I asked, my voice hesitant. A light female voice answered mine.

 "Hello, is this Aden Grey?"
  "Yes"
   "This is Claire Johnson"
I paused, not recognizing the name.
  "Nico's foster mother"
And those three words. Those simple words, felt like a stab to the heart with an incredibly sharp knife.
  "Oh" I said. What else was i supposes to say.
  "We'd like to come and visit you. Do you think that would be okay with you?"
She spoke to me gently, her voice calm.
  "Yes." I replied "yes i think that would be fine."
I was hallow, i was empty, but every nerve inside of me buzzed, the whole world buzzed.


Apperantly I passed out. The doctors said shock. I tend to agree.

When they came to visit it was much like the second time. We talked about me, my likes, my dislikes, my hobbies, my talents, what i was reading, my favorite places to go on vacation. The subject of Nico was never broached. I was glad, i did not feel ready to talk about it. Even to those who knew him perhaps better then i did.

Now up to present day.

I'm getting weaker. I can feel it. I want to sit up, i want to run and jump and play, hell I want to walk. I feel like i can, but as soon as i try to even raise my head, my body tells me 'no, absolutely not mister', even though my mind says yes.

I've lost weight too. 16 pounds so far. Nicos parents noticed last time they came. As they were leaving i heard them say that i was turning into a skeleton. And maybe i am.

I've had loads of time to think. I've written songs, poems, short stories, that i hope someday someone will see.

The doctors are calling for more tests to be done, i dont see what good itll do now though, we all know which way im headed.